When I first heard her words, it felt like a punch to the gut. “Why do you always see the negative in everything? Can’t you ever appreciate the work of others?” My colleague's frustration was palpable, tears welling in her eyes. Moments later, she turned sharply and walked away, leaving me stunned in the chaos of Shanghai's busiest streets.

For two weeks, she had poured her energy into a creative marketing project for a high-profile diamond brand in China. I, on the other hand, had spent the last hour before our crucial meeting critiquing her efforts, highlighting what she hadn’t done right, and predicting potential failures. I thought I was being helpful by pointing out areas for improvement, but I now realize I was merely amplifying her stress.

As she walked away, I felt a mix of confusion and guilt. “What did I do wrong?” I muttered, irritated by her reaction. I had been oblivious to how my negative mindset pushed people away. I often critiqued everything, thinking it was a sign of maintaining high standards. If someone handed me a cup of tea, I would complain about its taste before even trying it.

If a friend wore a beautiful dress and asked for my opinion, I would point out what I thought were flaws. I harshly judged people's behavior and choices, often dismissing their efforts. This pattern even affected my marriage, where my ex-wife would often ask, “What’s wrong with this?” after I critiqued her choices in clothing or makeup. I thought I was being honest, but all I did was create rifts in our relationship.

Over time, I began to understand that my perspective was skewed. I conflated appreciating the good in things with my rigid viewpoints. I failed to recognize that others had their own tastes and circumstances that shaped their choices.

Today, I see that many people, like myself, struggle with this tendency to judge based on superficial impressions. We fail to grasp the full picture, missing the subtle beauty in life's complexities. My colleague dedicated over a hundred hours to her project, sacrificing family time and sleep in the process. Yet I was focused solely on potential pitfalls, unaware of her emotional state and the dedication she had shown.

Similarly, my ex-wife had her own style and preferences, which I often disregarded. I realized that my negative outlook was a reflection of my insecurities. I had learned this behavior from my upbringing in a critical environment, where my father valued only perfection and rarely acknowledged effort.

Looking back, I see that my tendency to focus on negatives was a defensive mechanism. I believed it protected me from disappointment, but in reality, it only distanced me from recognizing the value in others' efforts.

I found that focusing on negativity does not shield you from failure; it blinds you to the progress all around. When friends came to me with their aspirations, I often discouraged them instead of offering support. I failed to recognize that they were seeking my guidance to foster their dreams, not to undermine them.

This pessimistic mindset also seeped into my social life. I struggled to appreciate the kindness of friends and often dismissed their gestures, which ultimately pushed them away. The day my colleague confronted me marked a turning point in my life. I shared the experience with my boss, who pointed out that I had undermined her hard work without considering the sacrifices she had made.

He challenged me to shift my approach from focusing on what could go wrong to exploring how to make things work. This epiphany forced me to confront my insecurities and reconsider the impact of my words on others.

From that moment, I made a conscious effort to change my behavior. When my ex-wife sought my opinion on her appearance, I began to respond with kindness, telling her, “If it makes you happy, then it’s beautiful.” I learned to appreciate her choices and offer constructive feedback instead of criticism.

Now, when friends approach me with their business ideas, I respond with encouragement, saying, “That’s fantastic; let’s see how to make it happen.” This shift in mindset focuses on overcoming challenges rather than succumbing to negativity.

Rather than judging people based on superficial criteria, I strive to see the beauty in their personalities and actions. This new perspective has brought me inner peace and has made me more approachable. I encourage others to recognize their strengths, which, in turn, boosts my own confidence.

While a critical eye can sometimes be useful, it should not dominate our perspective on life. I’ve realized that negativity acts as a barrier, preventing genuine connections and joy from emerging. Recognizing the positives in others allows for deeper relationships and a more fulfilling existence.

Believing in the potential for good not only uplifts our spirits but also attracts those who share that optimism. In a world filled with negativity, it’s easy to lose hope, but fostering a mindset of positivity can open doors to unexpected opportunities.

Since changing my approach, my relationships have improved significantly. Friends now feel comfortable sharing their aspirations with me, knowing I will offer support instead of criticism. My interactions with colleagues have also transformed, as I respect their expertise and encourage them to trust their abilities.

Positive thinking is not mere wishful thinking; it’s an active choice to embrace possibility. By adopting this mindset, I have discovered that true happiness stems not from controlling life’s events but from how we engage with them.

Now, I approach challenges as opportunities for growth, allowing myself to experiment without fear of failure. This shift has led to unexpected opportunities and a deeper sense of fulfillment in my life. Who wouldn’t want such positive change? Cheers!

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— © Nour Boustani 2024