Understanding What Good Men Avoid

Recently, during my first meetup after COVID, the conversation with Sarah revolved around the lack of quality men in the dating scene.

When I inquired about her definition of a "good man," she listed attributes like intelligence, humor, physical fitness, grooming, culinary skills, and independence. While these traits are important, the foundation of a relationship relies more on core values such as honesty, trust, and effective communication.

In this article, I will outline the behaviors that good men do NOT exhibit in relationships. By understanding these rules, you can better identify the right partner and avoid unworthy ones.

“Being a ‘good man’ is something you do, not something you are.”

~ Luvvie Ajayi

Before diving in, it's essential to recognize that there ARE good men who know how to treat a woman with respect and kindness.

They Don’t Compromise Your Emotional Well-being

My best friend recently called me late at night to share her decision to divorce after ten years of marriage. The anguish in her voice made it clear that this choice was not made lightly.

Yet, as she recounted the continuous conflicts and emotional turmoil she faced, it became evident that she had made the right decision. A good man would never create an environment where you feel anxious or on edge.

As Marilyn Monroe wisely noted:

“A strong man doesn’t have to be dominant toward a woman. He doesn’t match his strength against a woman weak with love for him. He matches it against the world.”

Good men foster a sense of safety and security. You should never feel the need to walk on eggshells around them. Instead, they celebrate your individuality and make you feel appreciated. If your partner consistently belittles you or makes sarcastic remarks, this is a form of emotional abuse that undermines your self-esteem. You deserve someone who uplifts you and allows you to be your true self.

They Don’t Take Commitment Lightly

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“A real man never stops trying to show a girl how much she means to him, even after he’s got her.” — Unknown

Good men realize that taking their partner for granted is a surefire way to jeopardize a relationship. They view marriage as a sacred bond, not merely a formality.

Respect, communication, and quality time form the bedrock of any strong relationship. For them, love is not just a fleeting feeling; it's a daily commitment expressed through actions. A good man continues to pursue his partner, even after exchanging vows, recognizing that relationships require ongoing effort.

John Ruskin once stated, “I believe the first test of a truly great man is in his humility.” While no one is perfect, good men strive to be the best versions of themselves and appreciate their partners.

They Don’t Engage in Gaslighting

“You’re just imagining things.”

“It’s all in your head.”

“You’re being overly sensitive.”

If you've ever encountered phrases like these, you might have experienced gaslighting — a form of emotional manipulation that leads you to doubt your perceptions and feelings.

Good men will never attempt to distort your reality or make you feel as though your feelings are invalid. Instead, they validate your emotions and communicate honestly, even when the truth is difficult to hear.

They Don’t Play Mental Games

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In today's world, it is disheartening to see some men resort to mental manipulation for their gain, whether by toying with a woman's emotions or withholding affection.

Good men prioritize open and honest communication. They recognize that relationships require mutual effort and are unafraid to compromise. Most importantly, they respect their partners and would never resort to emotional manipulation.

If you've been searching for a good man, look closely; he may already be right in front of you.

They Don’t Exploit Your Finances

Relationships thrive on reciprocity. However, issues arise when one person begins to take more than they contribute. Sadly, women are often the ones who get financially exploited in these situations.

There are plenty of honorable men who would never consider using their partner as a financial resource. However, some men view relationships as a means to an end, seeking financial gain without reciprocating.

To assess your partner's attitude toward finances, ask yourself: Does he frequently expect you to cover expenses? Does he make significant purchases without consulting you? These behaviors can indicate that he might be taking advantage of you financially.

Good men understand the value of communication and compromise in financial matters. As Albert Einstein aptly put it, “The value of a man should be seen in what he gives and not in what he is able to receive.” If your partner isn't upholding these principles, it may be time to reconsider your relationship.

Conclusion

What truly defines a good man? A good man will never lie, cheat, manipulate, abuse, or neglect you. He is supportive, communicative, and loving.

If these qualities resonate with you, keep these five traits in mind while seeking a partner. And if you already have a wonderful man by your side, take a moment to express your appreciation for him.

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