Chapter 1: Understanding Sexual Confidence

Sexual confidence doesn’t develop overnight; it’s a gradual process. It’s not just about fleeting moments of intimacy but rather an ongoing commitment to face challenges with determination and effective strategies.

By Stuart Motola

Nate has reached a breaking point. He feels exasperated. As a successful CEO in the tech industry, he finds it perplexing that he can’t seem to manage his marital relationship.

“Enough is enough. I’m tired of this,” he exclaims, frustration evident on his face.

I empathize, “I can sense your feelings, Nate. How would you react if someone spoke to you like that?”

“Repulsed,” he replies. He admits to feeling a strong urge to demand intimacy from his wife.

“Let’s dig deeper into the emotions behind those words,” I suggest.

He pauses, “I feel angry.”

“Do you feel trapped?” I inquire.

“Absolutely,” he responds.

Nate likens his situation to being caught in an elevator with the doors shutting, uncertain if he should step out or stay inside.

“What’s the benefit of being married if intimacy is off the table?” I ask.

I encourage Nate to acknowledge the feelings of entrapment, anger, and insignificance.

“Where do those feelings originate?” I question.

“It’s her fault,” he insists.

While she plays a role, it's crucial for him to confront his own insecurities and unmet needs. Nate is ensnared in a cycle of blame.

“It’s one thing to feel needy, another to have unmet needs,” I explain.

He nods, but his attention remains on her actions.

“What if she continues to refuse?” he asks.

“Rather than fixating on her decision, consider this: will you be alright if she says no?”

After a moment of contemplation, he admits, “I suppose I’ve managed so far.”

But I sense he’s still struggling. Are you experiencing a sense of neediness towards your wife regarding intimacy?

Feeling needy renders you vulnerable. It undermines your strength in the face of rejection. Building resilience is essential for enhancing your sexual relationship.

“So, should I just accept not getting it?” he asks.

“Yes,” I affirm.

“What good are you then?” he retorts.

“That’s a fair question. I’m suggesting a long-term approach to sexual confidence. Your short-term strategy of neediness hasn’t yielded the desired results, has it?”

He acknowledges, “So, what’s next?”

“Consider what’s truly at stake here.”

Nate reflects on his children, his affection for his family, and the love he still holds for his wife.

“Seems childish to hinge everything on my sexual needs,” he comments.

“Indeed. Yet, your needs are valid. Let’s honor both your family and your desires.”

Nate commits to working on himself over the next six weeks. Are you ready to embrace the long game?

Discover how you can cultivate long-lasting sexual confidence in your relationship.

Chapter 2: Building Resilience and Confidence

Sexual confidence is not achieved instantly. It's not about luck or casual encounters, but about a willingness to face challenges with strength and insightful strategies.

Nate’s journey is a testament to building resilience, confidence, and a redefined approach to intimacy with his partner.

Explore more insights from The Good Men Project on Medium:

• How to Forgive a Partner in Recovery

  While not focused solely on dating, this piece delves into relationship dynamics.

• Navigating Retroactive Jealousy

  Understand how to manage feelings stemming from a partner's past.

• Identifying Love-Bombing

  Learn how this manipulative tactic can cloud your judgment.

About Stuart Motola

Stuart Motola is a relationship coach for men, dedicated to providing actionable strategies that help individuals break free from unfulfilling patterns. With over 15 years of experience, he has guided thousands towards meaningful personal growth and relationship satisfaction. His method emphasizes direct action over prolonged discussions, giving men a clear path to achieving lasting positive change.