Chapter 1: Secrets and Strength

Throughout my life, I've harbored numerous secrets. Shielding my loved ones at the expense of my own well-being became a unique strength of mine. Strangely enough, each traumatic experience seemed to bolster this power, as every secret I kept contributed to a certain resilience. My traumas fueled an endless imagination and allowed me to escape into my own reality, transforming me into a creative, dream-filled woman. Yet, these abilities often left me feeling isolated.

In 2015, after 23 years of marriage to my high school prom date and raising five children, my life took an unexpected turn. I was a nurse who had recently injured my back and was on leave. Amidst the whirlwind of sports and school runs, I stumbled upon online gaming, with "Words With Friends" becoming my favorite pastime. As a lover of words, I often found myself playing in my car, trying to outsmart my opponents.

One day during a game, I received a chat from a stranger, commenting on my choice of a word I had played. Little did I know that it was slang for male anatomy—a fact I, as a nurse, should have recognized. What began as a simple exchange quickly evolved into a deeper connection.

As our conversations progressed, this mysterious stranger revealed his own struggles, prompting me to share my own secrets. It felt like a moment of awakening, igniting a bond between two individuals shaped by childhood trauma. Could this be the beginning of an unbreakable connection?

When you've spent your life battling your demons, you learn to soar, even if it's just for a moment.

In retrospect, disclosing my most intimate secrets to this man altered the course of my life. This exchange was the catalyst I needed to seek therapy, especially after he faded from my life. I finally confronted the realities of my nearly 30-year-long toxic and abusive marriage.

I opened up to him about my childhood traumas in vivid detail. For reasons I still can't pinpoint, I felt safe enough to expose all the dark corners of my past to him. Our conversations flowed from day into night as we shared our painful childhood narratives. While I won’t disclose his secrets, I felt his pain deeply. I had never encountered a story like his before, and it moved me to tears.

I told him about my childhood with an alcoholic and schizophrenic father, whose beautiful blue eyes haunted my memories. He had been committed to a mental hospital when I was only six years old and later returned to live with his mother. I recounted fond memories of dancing in the rain with him, only to be overshadowed by embarrassment as I grew older and faced the harsh realities of life.

I recounted how he introduced me to the game of pool and how he would sneak me into pool halls, all while gambling away my mother's possessions. Unfortunately, my life took a dark turn when my mother met a man who would become my stepfather.

This new man, who seemed to offer stability, was the very source of my nightmares. He abused me in ways I couldn't comprehend as a child, instilling a fear that would follow me into adulthood. I shared with my dark stranger how I sometimes invited friends over, not knowing how to cope with the dread that filled my days.

I still struggle with the guilt of those childhood choices, knowing that I was merely trying to survive. My friends, unaware of my hidden powers, could not keep secrets like I could. When a social worker intervened, my life took another turn, but we eventually returned to that unsafe environment.

As I shared these burdens with my stranger, I revealed how my husband, despite knowing parts of my story, never fully understood my pain. He often resorted to controlling behavior that echoed my childhood trauma. The emotional weight of feeling trapped—without physical violence but with a suffocating presence—was almost unbearable.

My dark stranger listened intently, often without judgment or commentary. Our conversations spanned an entire summer, and as I unburdened myself, we found joy in sharing music and other aspects of life. His presence became a lifeline, and when he eventually disappeared, it left a profound emptiness akin to phantom pain.

This absence propelled me to seek therapy, embarking on a two-year journey of healing with a trauma specialist. Through this process, I learned that what I perceived as my "superpowers" had deeper meanings within psychotherapy. My therapist guided me toward developing healthier coping mechanisms, allowing me to finally feel safe.

Ultimately, my dark stranger led me to discover my true self. He taught me that vulnerability is a path to safety, and I embraced the work that lay ahead. In the end, I’m grateful for his presence during my darkest times.

Chapter 2: The Healing Journey

In this video, we explore the hidden emotional powers that come from sharing one's story and how it can lead to healing and self-discovery.