If you aim to overcome self-sabotage, uncovering your subconscious barriers and internal struggles is crucial.

What leads to self-sabotage?

In my previous article, I shared how my life resembled a roller coaster filled with highs and lows. I would begin to experience success only to undermine it through self-sabotage.

Significant emotional events from my past instilled deep-rooted programming that continued to impact my behavior negatively for years. These early experiences aimed to protect me despite the fact that the circumstances had long since passed, resulting in patterns of self-sabotage.

An Instance of an Internal Conflict that Led to Self-Sabotage

I grew up in an affluent neighborhood, but my family couldn’t afford the trendy clothes that my peers wore. This led to ridicule and developed a strong aversion to showiness in others.

Conversely, I yearned for wealth to buy those same items and declare, “Look at me now.” I craved validation and a sense of belonging.

I realized that my disdain for ostentation was subconsciously hindering my success. This profound inner struggle resulted in procrastination and self-sabotage.

Once I recognized this conflict, I could acknowledge it, accept it, and collaborate with my past self, enabling me to progress. Most importantly, it diminished the resistance from my subconscious when I attempted to work on pursuits that would lead to success.

How did I identify these and other conflicts impeding my progress?

In my last piece, I mentioned a thorough personal evaluation that involved three key components. First, I examined my emotions. Next, I employed cognitive behavioral therapy to explore my thoughts, actions, and feelings to uncover what motivated me. Lastly, I conducted a character assessment.

In this article, I want to delve into how I performed a character assessment.

A character assessment involved introspection to uncover and understand the programming that influenced my actions.

I achieved this by reflecting on my past failures, values, and insecurities. This process clarified who I am today and, more importantly, revealed the internal programming driving my behaviors, particularly procrastination.

Understanding my identity and the influences behind my actions allowed me to manage my internal conflicts and self-sabotage more effectively.

Things I Explored

Past Failures

I scrutinized my past failures.

I sought patterns, identifying moments when I achieved success only to falter later.

What was my mindset and what values guided me at those times? What ultimately transpired, and what excuses did I fabricate when things went awry?

A pivotal aspect was analyzing the narratives I told myself and others. I probed deeply to discern whether these narratives represented the complete truth.

The stories we share can often be partial truths. Confronting the full truth is challenging, as it entails acknowledging our shortcomings or taking responsibility for our failures.

Confronting the truth can be painful, but once recognized and accepted, it fosters clarity and enlightenment; it opens the door to new beginnings and liberation.

I discovered that part of my failures stemmed from a fear of becoming someone I disapproved of. I also recognized a fear of loss related to my adoption.

Being adopted around the age of two left me with a lingering fear of loss that affected various aspects of my life. By avoiding potential losses, I believed it would hurt less, which inadvertently led to self-sabotage.

Additionally, I gained insight into my aversion to criticism. I had faced bullying for not coming from a wealthy family and for my mixed heritage, which made me hesitant to stand out and attract attention. This led to procrastination on tasks that might put me in the spotlight.

My Values

I examined my values.

What were they? In which situations did I uphold or ignore them?

I found that while I maintained certain values outwardly, I often neglected them in my dealings with myself. I would meet deadlines for others but frequently missed those I set for myself.

I delved deeper to question this behavior. Why didn't I prioritize my values in all circumstances?

This inquiry unveiled internal conflicts, such as the desire to attain wealth while also wishing to remain humble.

Exploring My Insecurities

I learned that insecurities provide significant clues about our past. By exploring them, we can identify events that shaped the early programming still affecting us today.

To comprehend my insecurities, I examined my ego and where I sought validation.

In assessing my ego, I identified stubborn tendencies:

• I preferred handling tasks alone.
• I avoided discussing deep issues.
• I distanced myself from friends I felt betrayed by.
• I withheld honesty about my circumstances out of fear of appearing weak.
• I resented situations or individuals that were unfair.

I investigated each of these tendencies. Why was I resistant to change? When did this mindset develop? Am I willing to change? If I hesitated, I probed further.

This exploration yielded significant insights into my past and illuminated the reasons behind my behavior in various situations.

Much of this stemmed from my adoption and experiences of ridicule for being part Japanese. My early programming taught me self-reliance and caution in trusting others.

I also sought validation.

Many individuals pursue validation without realizing it.

They engage in actions to garner attention and approval, striving to demonstrate their capabilities amid doubt or derision from others.

This quest for validation reflects fundamental needs we wish to fulfill, such as love, respect, acknowledgment, competence, and control. Attempting to meet these needs without fully understanding them can lead to dissatisfaction and self-sabotaging behaviors like procrastination.

I desired wealth, believing it would bring me freedom and happiness. Unconsciously, I also sought respect and acknowledgment due to past mockery.

This desire conflicted with my core values; I didn't want to be perceived as a showoff simply to prove my worth. This profound internal conflict ultimately led to self-sabotage.

As I explored, I began questioning my motivations. Was I seeking validation? If so, what needs did this reflect? What was the origin of these needs? Why did I feel unfulfilled? What would it take to satisfy these needs?

These inquiries led to insights that enhanced my understanding of self-sabotage.

Tips for Conducting Your Own Character Assessment

First and foremost, you must be honest with yourself. Acknowledging the truth can be daunting, but it will provide clarity about your character.

Some individuals assign all blame to themselves, while others shift it entirely onto others.

During this process, it's vital to dig deeper and move beyond the narratives you tell yourself. Although confronting the truth can be uncomfortable, it ultimately leads to liberation and uncovers the events contributing to self-sabotaging behaviors.

Let Your Mind Wander Rather than Relying on Logic

There are various methods to initiate a character assessment:

• Start journaling.
• Allow your thoughts to flow during a walk.
• Enter a meditative state by closing your eyes and relaxing.
• Explore self-hypnosis videos available online.

When you begin, avoid relying solely on logic; instead, ask yourself questions and let your mind roam freely. Don't force anything—allow your thoughts to surface naturally. When emotions arise, inquire about their significance. Avoid suppressing them; instead, use them as a tool to uncover past programming.

Dig Deeper

Explore your findings thoroughly. Ask yourself why certain memories or feelings hold importance. Is there more to uncover? Are you perceiving the situation accurately, or is it a narrative you’ve constructed?

Validate Your Insights

Once you uncover answers, validate them.

Is what occurred in the past still relevant? Are your beliefs accurate, or are there aspects you’re avoiding? Are you genuinely being honest with yourself?

Again, permit your thoughts to wander as you ponder these questions.

Key Questions for Uncovering Profound Insights

Consider these questions to guide your reflection:

• What do I wish someone would say to me? What validation do I crave?
• What am I afraid to release? Am I capable of letting go? What would facilitate this process?
• Am I truly ready for change?
• What obstacles are preventing my progress?

Bringing It All Together

Avoid dismissing or denying your discoveries.

Acknowledge what occurred, regardless of how painful it may be.

Next, accept that it took place. Whether it was your fault or someone else's, it's crucial to recognize that it happened and that it’s time to move forward.

Finally, if possible, make amends, forgive, and atone.

In some cases, atonement may not be feasible, but it's essential to move on rather than dwell on self-hatred or blame others for your circumstances. Valuable lessons emerged from these experiences, and it's time to release them. Ask yourself if you can let go. If an earlier version of yourself is trying to protect you, consider whether they would be willing to release the past and collaborate with you to forge a new future.

Conclusion

Conducting a character assessment allowed me to gain a deeper understanding of myself. For some insights, the process was swift; for others, it required time.

Challenging myself with difficult questions helped me reconcile many aspects of my past and reduced subconscious resistance, enabling me to progress toward my goals.

I encourage you to embark on your own character assessment. This exploration can unveil the subconscious programming that influences your behavior and triggers self-sabotage.

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