Case Study

During my mid-career, I was employed by a Toronto-based media consulting firm, often working extensive hours that occasionally reached 70 to 80 per week. I mention this not to boast but to highlight the reality of the situation. What led to this excessive workload? Three main factors:

1. My strong work ethic emphasized a high level of professionalism.
2. I was juggling responsibilities for three to four clients simultaneously.
3. The media consulting firm significantly underestimated time, costs, and technical complexities when drafting client contracts.

Focusing on the third point, our company often created fixed-price contracts at low rates, mistakenly believing that technical solutions in video-on-demand and live streaming would be straightforward. The reality was quite the opposite. With much of the technology being new to our team, additional time was needed for everyone to adapt, affecting profitability.

Consequently, the Statements of Work (SOW) became unrealistic. Initially, as a newcomer, I didn't mind the extra workload; however, as time went on, I grew resentful, feeling as though my life was dictated by the company. My quality of life deteriorated, leading to poor sleep and eating habits. To numb my emotional turmoil, I occasionally drank excessively, which only exacerbated my mental state and led to a depressive episode.

Given that our consulting firm operated on tight margins, there were no internal programs for discussing emotional regulation. I largely suffered in silence and decided to leave after a year and a half.

Introjection; The Gestalt Psychotherapy Process

In Gestalt Psychotherapy, there is a clear connection between emotional regulation and the Theory of Personality, which states:

> A person exists by differentiating self from other and by connecting self and other.

Within this theory lies the process of "introjection," which relates directly to my work challenges. I internalized issues despite disagreeing with the system and suffering negative consequences. The Introjector “does as others would like him (or her) to do.”

According to Gestalt.org, introjection occurs when:

> foreign material is absorbed without discrimination or assimilation. Swallowing whole creates an “as if” personality and rigid character. Introjected values and behaviors are imposed upon oneself.

The Gestalt blog "Much Ado About Nothing" highlights the dangers of the introject process in two significant ways:

Firstly, an individual who introjects fails to develop their own personality, becoming preoccupied with suppressing the foreign influences they have absorbed. The more introjects they accumulate, the less room they have to express or discover their true selves. Secondly, introjections can lead to inner conflict as one struggles to reconcile disparate concepts, a common experience in today's world.

In my case study, I found myself adopting the standards, attitudes, and behaviors of the media company, even though these values were not my own.

"Much Ado About Nothing" further explains that introjection can blur the boundaries between oneself and the external world to the extent that little of one's true self remains. Many clients express feelings of obligation, seeking permission, or harboring unexpressed anger, which manifests physically.

In my situation, I was engulfed in a sea of "shoulds," which hindered my ability to maintain healthy emotional regulation:

• I should finish the report by midnight due to a packed schedule.
• I should drink this fifth beer to escape my stress.
• I should adhere to the SOW rules as per the signed agreement with the client.

As noted, my health suffered. I repressed my emotions deep within, masking stress and preferring to ignore reality while putting on a façade of happiness.

Working with Introjects & Establishing Healthy Emotional Regulation

The first step in addressing introjects is straightforward: recognize the presence of "shoulds" and our prevailing attitudes and responses. By being open to examining and understanding our internal processes, we create space for healing. As we become more self-aware, we can shift towards more positive behaviors and respond to our emotional needs effectively.

When I encounter similar work situations today, my emotional responses and communications include:

• Recognizing challenges and emotional states. I acknowledge my feelings and pay attention to my body's signals, particularly stress which often manifests in my stomach and shoulders.
• Communicating openly. When my workload becomes overwhelming, I discuss the issue with my Director and colleagues. Currently, I am aware that my schedule is packed with meetings, leaving little time for actual work. To address this, I now block out time on my calendar for focused work. For straightforward queries, I opt for quick chats instead of scheduling more meetings.
• Understanding personal thresholds and transforming negative behaviors. When I start feeling pressured by an unreasonable deadline or someone monopolizing my time, I express my concerns before resentment builds. For instance, when stress levels rise, I take a break outside for fresh air, engage in physical activity to boost my endorphins, and maintain open communication about my emotional state.

Have I mastered emotional regulation? Not at all. It is an ongoing process, a daily, if not hourly, practice of tuning into myself to understand what is happening internally and responding appropriately.

The Importance of Emotional Regulation in Technology

From my experience in the Toronto tech sector, many companies struggle to address their employees' emotional regulation, particularly before the COVID-19 pandemic. Although I have noticed a shift in discussions over the past year, there is still much work to be done. Larger tech firms tend to be more responsive to employee emotional needs than smaller to mid-sized companies, which often lack support systems and funding for such initiatives.

Here are three effective strategies companies can implement to promote positive emotional regulation:

• Create Direct Access. Establish a psychologically safe environment for open conversations with employees about their emotions, both vertically and horizontally. Personally, I prioritize weekly one-on-one check-ins with my team to understand their feelings, workload, and work-life balance.
• Implement Mental Health Days. Companies should acknowledge that life extends beyond work. As the lines between home and work blur, they must offer additional paid mental health days to allow employees time to rest and recharge. My current employer practices this, and I appreciate their recognition and care.
• Enhance Access to Psychotherapy. Before the pandemic, many organizations overlooked the importance of psychotherapy. However, my company introduced a valuable program during the initial lockdowns, providing individuals with the opportunity to see a psychotherapist with expenses covered by the company. This initiative acknowledges the necessity for an external outlet for emotional expression and self-regulation.

Conclusion

When we experience emotions such as frustration, anger, or resentment, these feelings are valid and indicate an imbalance. How we manage these internal emotions is termed emotional regulation. During my time at the media consulting firm, I adopted an introjected stance, suppressing my feelings to the point of unhappiness. This experience taught me the importance of healthier responses when daily stressors escalate into unhealthy territories. Establishing and communicating boundaries is crucial for emotional regulation and achieving inner balance. Particularly in the tech industry, companies have a responsibility to create environments where employees can express their emotional needs. When workplaces prioritize emotional safety, a healthier workforce emerges, benefiting everyone involved.