Understanding the Disturbing Tactics of Adult Bullies
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Chapter 1: The Unchanging Nature of Bullies
Bullies often remain stagnant in their personal growth; they merely age and refine their methods of manipulation.
Reflecting on my childhood, I was born in the 1980s, and during that era, a kid like me—glasses, side-parted hair, and an awkward smile—was a prime target for mockery and humiliation at school. If school were likened to a video game, I was playing on the hardest difficulty level. The extent of bullying I endured was something I would not wish upon anyone.
Eventually, I learned to defend myself; it was a necessity for my survival. I held onto the hope that the harassment would cease once I graduated, but the truth is, bullying does not end with school. It evolves; bullies simply become more cunning and insidious.
In light of this, I want to share three common strategies that bullies employ to disrupt your life. By recognizing these patterns, you can better prepare yourself and avoid falling victim.
Section 1.1: Manipulating Your Perceptions
One tactic bullies use as they mature is feigning friendship. They don’t resort to physical actions like slapping or stuffing you into a locker. Instead, they play the role of a friend. A well-versed bully knows how to listen, not because they care, but to exploit your vulnerabilities.
People often mistake bullies for narcissists, but the distinction is crucial. A narcissist seeks attention, while a bully aims to make you feel inferior. A skilled bully will listen intently to gather information about you, then twist your feelings for their benefit. For instance, if you develop romantic feelings while they seek a casual relationship, they may lead you to believe they share your feelings. This emotional manipulation can inflict significant pain, making you feel as though you have something to lose when, in reality, there is nothing genuine to protect.
The video titled "WORST THINGS BULLIES DID TO US #3 | Reddit Stories" offers a deeper insight into the psychological games played by bullies, illustrating various real-life scenarios of manipulation and emotional harm.
Section 1.2: Creating a Dependency on Approval
Another tactic involves turning you into someone who constantly seeks validation. Bullies often belittle your achievements while elevating the successes of others. This behavior isn’t just casual; it’s a subconscious attempt to regress you back to your childhood, where you sought approval from authority figures.
The danger here is that by striving to impress them, you inadvertently position them as authority figures in your life. This dynamic distorts your perception, making the abuser—be it a partner, coworker, or supposed friend—into a parental figure, while you revert to a childlike desire for their approval. Ultimately, they control your emotions until they grow bored and abandon you.
Chapter 2: The Thrill of Cancellation
In the video "How to Stand Up for Yourself Against a Bully," viewers can learn effective strategies to confront and overcome bullying, emphasizing the importance of self-advocacy.
The most depraved form of adult bullying is the act of cancellation. To illustrate, I’ll share a personal experience. A person close to my mother consistently disrupts my schedule by calling during meal times, under the pretense of checking in on her. This individual knows when my mother eats and deliberately interrupts, making it difficult for me to manage my responsibilities.
If I voice my displeasure, I’m painted as the villain. Conversely, if I remain silent, I lose valuable time. In this scenario, the cancellation becomes a twisted form of enjoyment for the bully, as they derive satisfaction from seeing you struggle.
In today’s digital world, we frequently witness this behavior on social media, where bullies thrive by turning public opinion against others.
How to Combat Bullying
To effectively counteract bullying, it's essential to recognize these patterns and differentiate between genuine relationships and toxic ones. Cultivating patience is equally vital. Time has a way of revealing the truth; the longer you endure, the clearer the toxic dynamics become.
For instance, I no longer react every time that person disrupts our dinner time. Eventually, my mother took the initiative to address the situation herself, telling that person, “Please stop calling during meals; it’s frustrating.” In this case, time became my ally, exposing the bully for who they truly are.
Stay vigilant and practice patience. Both are your strongest allies in navigating the complexities of bullying.