Overcoming the Need for Approval: A Journey to Self-Confidence
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Chapter 1: Understanding Approval-Seeking Behavior
Seeking approval is an inherent part of the human experience. We all desire the affection of others and yearn for acknowledgment of our contributions. However, have you found yourself caught in a cycle of seeking validation? Here are some indicators that you may be struggling with this issue and practical steps to break free from it.
The Twelve-Year-Old Jesus
At twelve, Jesus displayed remarkable self-awareness and confidence. During a Religious Feast in Jerusalem, while his family returned home, he remained behind. It took three days for his parents to realize he was missing, and upon finding him, they discovered him engaged in deep discussions with the Scribes and Priests. When scolded by his mother, Jesus calmly replied, "Why were you searching for me? Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" (Luke 2:49, NIV).
This moment marked a pivotal transition for Jesus, as he was about to move from his mother’s care to his father's trade. His response indicated a commitment to his heavenly Father's work over the earthly expectations of his family. Such confidence in one's inner voice is crucial, and it wouldn’t be the last time Jesus prioritized it.
Section 1.1: Identifying People-Pleasing Traits
While striving to make others happy can be positive, excessive people-pleasing can be detrimental to your well-being. Here are signs that your desire for approval may have become harmful:
- You often change your opinions to align with others.
- Disagreements cause you distress.
- You seek permission unnecessarily.
- You fish for compliments and feel hurt when they’re not given.
- You frequently apologize.
If any of these resonate with you, it may indicate a tendency toward people-pleasing. What lessons can we draw from Jesus's life to combat this need for external validation?
In this insightful video, "How to STOP Approval Seeking | A Monk's Perspective," explore the deeper implications of seeking approval and learn how to break free from this cycle.
Section 1.2: Jesus’s Example of Authenticity
During a pivotal moment, Jesus asked his disciples, "Who do people say I am?" After their responses, he further inquired, "But who do you say I am?" Peter boldly declared, "You are the Messiah!" (Mark 8:27–33). Following this, Jesus revealed his impending death, prompting Peter to object. Jesus's response was firm: "Get behind me, Satan. You do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns" (Mark 8:33, NIV).
Here, Jesus exemplified the importance of staying true to oneself despite external opinions. While he valued the thoughts of his closest companions, he understood that his identity was not contingent upon their approval.
Chapter 2: Strategies for Breaking the Approval-Seeking Habit
Overcoming the habit of seeking approval requires awareness and effort. Here are practical steps to help you on this journey:
Recognize Your Patterns
Acknowledge when you're seeking approval. Reflect on the signs listed earlier and consider seeking feedback from trusted friends.
Clarify Your Values
Establish a "North Star"—a set of core beliefs that guide you. Understanding your values will help you remain steadfast in the face of criticism.
Cultivate Self-Worth
Jesus's strong sense of worth, affirmed by his Father, enabled him to remain steadfast. Recognize your intrinsic value and understand that it doesn't depend on external validation.
Accept Yourself
Understand that you are loved as you are. Embrace your uniqueness and stop being your harshest critic.
Evaluate Feedback
When faced with criticism, evaluate its validity. Use constructive feedback for growth, and dismiss what isn't true.
Practice Self-Love
Engage in self-care activities that nurture your well-being.
Explore Underlying Motivations
Understanding why you seek approval can provide insights for change. Consider professional counseling if needed.
Reframe Disapproval
Recognize that facing disapproval for standing up for your beliefs can be a sign of strength. Jesus said, "Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness" (Matt. 5:10, NIV).
Learn to Disagree
Become comfortable with differing opinions. Practice stating your position confidently without feeling the need to defend it.
Embrace Authenticity
Authenticity attracts genuine connections. When you stand firm in your beliefs, you inspire others.
Appreciate Existing Support
Identify those who value you for who you are. Spend time with these individuals to reinforce your self-acceptance.
In "How to Break Approval Seeking Habits | Psychology Self Help," this video provides valuable insights into overcoming the need for approval and enhancing mental well-being.
In conclusion, desiring approval is natural, but when it becomes the primary focus of your life, it can lead to harmful outcomes. I hope these strategies empower you to overcome the approval-seeking mindset and embrace your authentic self.