Chapter 1: Understanding Emotional Extremes

Life is a journey filled with peaks of joy and valleys of despair, but I don’t identify as bipolar. My high moments are characterized by a sense of hopefulness. I feel content with my identity, my ambitions, and I carry a sense of optimism about what lies ahead. I genuinely appreciate my friendships and hold a strong sense of self-love.

Conversely, my low moments are steeped in despair. I become critical of myself, loathing my past mistakes and feeling dissatisfied with my writing. Every word I compose seems whiny and tedious, and I often question if I will ever find the right partner. These feelings can turn bitter, and I find myself spiraling into self-hatred.

For years, I have battled with depression. I had hoped that by now, these feelings would have diminished, yet they sometimes feel more intense than before. Since reaching the age of 25, the sense of inadequacy has escalated, making the burdens of unfulfilled dreams feel even heavier.

Reflecting on high school, I wonder why I felt more secure in my identity back then. Perhaps it was the carefree time spent with friends, where we could simply exist together, undistracted by the pressures of the future. Now, gatherings often revolve around achievements, promotions, and dreams realized. While this can be uplifting on good days, it can also feel overwhelming and frustrating on others.

On brighter days, I celebrate life by dancing on my rooftop, unabashedly enjoying music that might raise eyebrows among my neighbors. Yet, on darker days, the thought of a lifetime spent in monotonous work fills me with dread. It seems unnatural to maintain such repetitive cycles without losing our sanity.

Even on difficult days, I can find wonder in the world around me. I marvel at the beauty of our planet and the creativity of humanity. I am in awe of the technology in my pocket, capable of connecting me with people across the globe or playing my favorite songs with just a voice command.

However, on tough days, I struggle with the challenges of communication. It frustrates me that getting friends to read my writing is so difficult, and I worry about how they will perceive me based on what I share. Despite these fears, I cherish my writing tools and the incredible community I have found online, hoping one day to turn my passion into a career.

I resent bureaucracy, taxes, and the overwhelming nature of societal issues. I despise the act of pretending that everything is okay when it isn’t. Yet, I find solace in the fact that I am alive during a time of remarkable discovery, such as the launch of advanced telescopes into space. My curiosity about our universe fuels my passion for life.

High Hopes and Deep Fears

In my experience with philosophy at a local community college, I didn't gain much. The professor was friendly but lacked the depth I sought...

This video showcases Lolo Zouaï's "High Highs to Low Lows" (Official Video), capturing the essence of navigating through life's emotional rollercoaster.

In this live performance of "High Highs to Low Lows," Lolo Zouaï conveys the raw emotional experiences of highs and lows that many can relate to.