When I was a teenager, I found myself immersed in the online world of pickup artists (PUAs). At that time, I was a lonely, depressed individual yearning for connection, and the PUA community provided me with a sense of belonging.

I genuinely believe that discovering this online content transformed my life. With limited access to mental health resources in America, I often struggled to openly discuss my feelings, especially since my depression was deeply rooted in my desire for affection from women. The PUA community became a lifeline for me.

This was before terms like “incels” or various “pills” emerged, shaping what we now recognize as the manosphere.

I observed how the incel ideology began to take shape, stemming from movements like “True Forced Loneliness,” while members of the PUA community gradually began discussing “the red pill.”

As time passed, the focus shifted from learning to attract women to blaming them for our dating difficulties. Self-pity began to overshadow the pursuit of solutions.

Serving as a senior moderator on a prominent PUA forum at the time (which is now defunct), I felt compelled to enact a new policy in early 2014, just months before the tragic Elliot Rodger incident:

No misogyny: We understand that past experiences with women may leave you feeling bitter, but harboring contempt for an entire gender is unhealthy and unethical. While you can express frustrations towards individuals, please refrain from generalizing hatred towards women. The only exception is if you're constructively addressing your views with the intent to change.

I also rejected moderator candidates who identified as anti-feminist and often clashed with others in the community who disagreed with my emerging feminist perspective (which I regarded as simply being non-misogynistic).

However, my efforts proved futile.

I had no control over other forums or websites, and the tide of misogyny was gaining momentum across the manosphere.

Initially, I believed that the manosphere and the PUA community were intended for self-improvement, authentic masculinity, and attraction. Unfortunately, it transformed into something far more troubling.

Subsequently, feminist author Laura Bates conducted extensive research on the manosphere's troubling aspects and published her book, Men Who Hate Women: From Incels to Pickup Artists: The Truth About Extreme Misogyny and How it Affects Us All.

Unsurprisingly, many from the manosphere reacted negatively to her work, often without reading it.

I, however, was intrigued and picked it up immediately after hearing about it (ironically through one of the forums I was trying to promote my own book in). It baffled me that members of the manosphere would avoid engaging with this book; it directly pertains to our communities!

Why wouldn’t we seek to broaden our understanding of a relevant topic?

Haven’t we been taught to embrace growth and push beyond our comfort zones?

Have we become so insular that we actively resist opposing perspectives that might enrich our lives and help us evolve as men?

Bates confirms this unfortunate reality.

It's essential for us to regularly reflect on whether our beliefs align with our core values. If today's manosphere members took a moment to consider how their hatred often arises from fear, many would recognize that they are straying from the true essence of masculinity.

Allowing fear to shape one's beliefs contradicts nearly all fundamental masculine values.

Men Who Hate Women is a crucial read for anyone involved in the manosphere and for all men, as it prompts a critical examination of what our communities have become and the harm they have caused.

The book illuminated the origins of the hatred and how politically motivated individuals manipulate men into supporting harmful ideologies.

It serves as a reality check. One might assume that Bates fills her pages with biased opinions aimed at establishing a “gynocentric social order.” However, it's actually a journalistic exploration of facts, grounded in real events and statistics—knowledge often obscured by the manosphere.

I do have some critiques of the book, particularly regarding Bates' discussions on PUAs, as that's the community I identify with.

One critique, although it may seem trivial given the grave issues stemming from the manosphere, remains significant.

“If PUAs admitted to the shy teenagers who stumbled across their websites that their lack of romantic experience was not due to ignorance of some complex psychological technique, but simply a normal rite of passage likely to pass with age and maturity, no longer could those PUAs rake in thousands of dollars for imparting the secrets of tricking women into bed.” — Laura Bates, Men Who Hate Women

Dating dynamics are inherently gendered, with men and women facing unique challenges. For many, a lack of romantic experience does not feel like a mere “rite of passage.”

It can be an isolating experience, severely impacting self-esteem without proper guidance.

Compounded by societal pressures that tie our self-worth to sexual success, it becomes clear how rare it is for this rite of passage to simply fade with age.

I can genuinely say that without the PUA resources that guided me to become a more appealing individual, I might not be here today. I could have easily fallen into the despair that some incels describe.

I was once profoundly lonely, but thanks to the PUA teachings, I have cultivated a fulfilling life and am no longer lonely.

Yes, there are many troubling aspects and marketing strategies employed by PUAs, as highlighted in Men Who Hate Women. Some PUAs have committed terrible acts and deserve punishment. I lament these issues in our community.

Yet, boys and men require guidance in dating and relationships.

They need resources tailored to help them find love in ways that resonate with their gender and orientation. My understanding is that anything aimed at assisting men in becoming more attractive to women falls under the umbrella of “PUA.”

Additionally, I take issue with Bates criticizing my friend Richard La Ruina and his Super Seducer video game series for depicting harassment scenarios. While such representations can be problematic if treated lightly, it's important to note that Richard presents these scenarios as wrong choices that lead to negative consequences for the player.

Aside from that…

Due to fragile masculinity, I anticipate that Men Who Hate Women will provoke discomfort among many men. Bates lays out the facts so clearly that it may come across as patronizing to those on the defensive.

You know how some individuals online rant in ways that disguise their frustration as rational arguments?

You can often recognize the fallacies and dismiss their claims, right?

Occasionally, a mature individual responds thoughtfully, addressing each flawed point.

Men Who Hate Women reads like a reasoned adult patiently dismantling a child’s tantrum filled with illogical points.

However, there may have been no other way for her to write it.

I understand that facing the possibility of being wrong is intimidating. Many would prefer to remain in echo chambers that validate their views. But remember a timeless adage from our community, as stated by Neil Strauss during his PUA days:

The comfort zone is enemy territory.

Consider picking up Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates for your own insights.

And while you’re at it, don't forget to check out my book!

<h3>Amazon.com: Never Lonely: The Uncensored Guide on How to Attract and Be Loved by Women eBook : Chief, Michael: Kindle…</h3>

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