# Embracing the Foundations of Effective Self-Care
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Chapter 1: Understanding Self-Care
Welcome to the realm of substantial self-care! Have you mastered the three essential pillars of self-care?
Allow me to introduce my sister! She’s more approachable than she appears | Photo from the author. My sister juggles her life as a part-time shopaholic, an aspiring fashionista, and a dedicated surgeon. Currently in the second-to-last year of her residency, she’s approaching her 600th year in the medical field. Working in a public hospital means she spends nearly all her time there, leaving little room for anything else—except for her online shopping sprees.
Her go-to self-care method? Shopping. However, I tend to be cautious about equating shopping with genuine self-care. Yet, as I glance at her, feeling a bit envious of that charming off-shoulder floral top, I start to understand why shopping plays a significant role in her self-care routine. It’s not solely about the fleeting excitement of new clothes (more on this later).
We all recognize the rallying cry: “Treat yourself!” In the past, I would reward myself on a good day for accomplishments. But on tougher days, I felt it necessary to indulge: “Let me buy this adorable dress because I’m overwhelmed with work, surrounded by negativity, or feeling stuck and unhappy.”
In reality, I was just coping with my circumstances. Sure, I may have looked good, but that didn’t address the underlying issues. I speak from experience when I say it’s challenging to distinguish between caring for yourself and merely avoiding what’s causing your anxiety.
This blurring of lines isn’t entirely our fault, given how commodified and trendy self-care has become. Every brand, advertisement, and product seems to stake a claim on it. Recently, I saw promotional materials asserting, “Skincare is self-care.”
Maya Shanbhag Lang, an author, pointed out in an interview that “the term has been hijacked by capitalism. We’re led to believe that purchasing a brownie (or a lifestyle) can improve our mood. However, truly caring for ourselves is a different matter—it’s a choice.”
For Lang, the realization that self-care often isn’t appealing at first is an ongoing lesson. Author Melody Beattie offers a more profound, albeit less glamorous, perspective on self-care in her book Codependent No More, stating: “Self-care is an attitude that says ‘I am responsible for myself.’”
It took me a significant journey, including bouts of burnout, a pandemic, four months of unemployment, becoming a writer, immersing myself in self-help and pop psychology, moving out, and learning to navigate adulthood, to adopt this mindset.
Through all these experiences, I’ve come to grasp this: True self-care isn’t a reward, an escape, a product, or a consolation prize. In fact, it can often be quite inexpensive.
Self-care has its own form of currency: peace of mind. As writer Anne Lamott shared in her TED talk, “You can’t buy, achieve, or date serenity or peace of mind.”
So, how can we approach self-care effectively?
I envision self-care as a house. First, you must establish strong foundational pillars—fortunately, these don’t require substantial financial investment. Once those are in place, you can begin to decorate your house; that’s when the more luxurious and costly forms of self-care become beneficial. Items like new shoes, advanced skincare products, or even a two-week getaway can enhance your self-care experience, but they won’t shield you from life’s storms.
As the late professor Randy Pausch wisely noted: “You’ve got to get the fundamentals down; otherwise, the fancy stuff isn’t going to work.”
What, then, are these fundamentals? Here are three key elements that have significantly improved my life, increased my inner peace, and helped me feel more authentic.
Section 1.1: The Importance of Life Maintenance
My primary takeaway from navigating independent living?
Maintaining a functional, hygienic, and presentable existence each day is no small feat. Nike Training Club coach Kirsty Godso hit the nail on the head when she remarked, “It’s high-maintenance being alive.”
You must nourish yourself with quality food (while balancing your budget and time), ensure sufficient sleep, hydrate properly, keep your skin moisturized, make your bed, change your sheets, do laundry, and manage your bills—all while trying not to be too sedentary. Just outlining these tasks is exhausting!
It now seems evident to me that what truly constitutes self-care are these fundamental tasks that sustain our lives. These “chores” provide us with the greatest peace of mind.
I emphasize this because I’ve noticed that during stressful times—whether due to a demanding job or personal heartbreak—these basic tasks often take the hardest hits. Our internal chaos often spills over into our external world, affecting our appearance and surroundings, which in turn exacerbates our feelings of being overwhelmed.
While we can’t expect everything to be in perfect order at all times, I’ve learned to appreciate the value of proper upkeep. Having a body that supports you, a welcoming home, and the ability to assure yourself that you have your basics in order is crucial for peace of mind.
Life maintenance forms a substantial part of the peace-of-mind pie.
Section 1.2: The Value of Rich Rest
Imagine charging a power bank. You can plug your phone into it while using it, but the fastest way to recharge the power bank is to let it focus solely on powering itself up.
This analogy illustrates my point about the second pillar of self-care. In our fast-paced modern world, it’s easy to feel drained—often to the extent that it feels like something has siphoned your energy away.
What I’ve realized is that it’s rarely just one thing; it’s the cumulative weight of personal challenges, coupled with the pressures of constant consumption, connectivity, and disruption that leaves us feeling depleted.
However, allowing yourself genuine, restorative rest can lead to substantial recovery. You need to carve out spaces where you’re not overindulging, constantly connecting, or being distracted.
I like to refer to this as “rich rest.” The term “rich” implies something abundant, capable of fostering growth and providing depth.
Picture this: It’s nighttime. Your room fills with the comforting aroma of orchid and vanilla. You sip on spiced vanilla almond milk, feeling its warmth. You’re wrapped in silk pajamas and a velvet duvet, immersed in a captivating love story set in Sicily, illuminated by a soft reading lamp.
That’s my definition of rich rest. (And the best part? It’s surprisingly affordable and something I can enjoy frequently!)
Other forms of rich rest for me include journaling, listening to music, or taking long walks—activities that are enjoyable and don’t break the bank.
When considering your own version of rich rest, keep these criteria in mind: (1) It should last longer than a social media clip, (2) It shouldn’t be overly stimulating or lead to fragmented attention, and (3) It should allow you to truly savor the moment.
A final thought on rich rest: the more you incorporate these moments into your life, the more emotionally stable you’ll become, equipping you to resist or recuperate from exhausting experiences. Remember Anne Lamott’s wise words: “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”
Section 1.3: The Power of Self-Expression
Returning to my sister, what makes shopping a valid form of self-care for her?
You should know that between the two of us, she’s the true artist. With her drawing skills and eye for aesthetics, she possesses a deep appreciation for beauty.
For her, shopping serves as a creative outlet, especially considering the limited time and energy she has for other pursuits.
Think about it: Wouldn’t it be more efficient for her to opt for a capsule wardrobe or adopt Steve Jobs’ iconic black-turtleneck uniform?
Why bother looking stylish in a dreary public hospital? Why invest in a polished appearance only to change into scrubs for long shifts in the operating room? Why experiment with different outfits when she rarely has the opportunity to showcase them?
Simply put, because she wants to.
As Catherine Andrews articulates in her insightful piece, “Self-Care Isn’t Working,” this is the essence of effective self-care—those joyful acts that bring you pleasure without any ulterior motives. These are playful endeavors that allow you to feel good simply because you deserve it.
We seldom recognize self-expression as a legitimate form of self-care, but isn’t being able to express your true self one of life’s most fulfilling and empowering experiences? Shopping allows my sister to do just that while looking good every day.
As for me, I’ve found a more budget-friendly avenue for self-expression: writing. It’s a medium through which I explore and express my identity, and integrating it into my daily routine has been my most potent source of emotional nourishment.
All it requires is a laptop, a couple of hours each morning, and a cup of tea. (Okay, maybe that fancy tea costs a little, but it’s worth it!)
Chapter 2: Practical Self-Care Strategies
In this video, "DEEP CLEAN + ORGANIZE with me | self care vlog," viewers are taken through an invigorating self-care journey that emphasizes the importance of a tidy environment in enhancing mental wellbeing.
The second video, "Home Gym Tour | Shed Turned Gym | Homeschool Mom Self-Care," showcases how creating a personal space for exercise can be a powerful act of self-care, promoting both physical health and mental clarity.