Embracing the Art of Lowering Expectations for Greater Happiness
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Chapter 1: The Misunderstanding of Expectations
Many people often advise lowering expectations, but this has always troubled me. I mistakenly equated lower expectations with diminished aspirations. However, I've come to understand that it is indeed feasible to reach for lofty goals while avoiding the disappointment that often accompanies high hopes.
A Guiding Principle
One of the most influential books I've read is "The Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer. I find myself revisiting a particular quote that resonates deeply: “Everything will be okay as soon as you are okay with everything. And that’s the only time everything will be okay.”
Let's take a moment to reflect:
Do you truly desire to be okay with everything? Would that imply a lack of principles or beliefs? For me, being okay with everything means recognizing my preferences while remaining unaffected by the outcome. Vishen Lakhiani describes this state as being “unfuckwithable.” I aspire to navigate any challenge and flourish in all situations.
The Joy of Surpassing Expectations
Recall moments when experiences exceeded your expectations. Perhaps a work trip turned out to be unexpectedly delightful, or maybe you had a surprisingly enjoyable day at Disneyland with your family. These instances often bring an overwhelming sense of joy when reality surpasses what we anticipated.
Now think about New Year’s Eve celebrations. Many people often find themselves disheartened when the night falls short of their lofty ideals, leading to feelings of sadness, especially when things don't go as imagined.
Consider this simple equation:
- Circumstance > expectation = happiness
- Circumstance < expectation = frustration/anger/disappointment
Optimizing Your Outlook
The silver lining is that while you can maintain high aspirations, it's beneficial to temper your expectations. Let’s illustrate this using the New Year’s Eve example. Imagine it’s December 31st, and you’re heading out.
If you’ve clearly defined the type of partner you want—say someone who is 5' 9", athletic, and has a great sense of humor—you can have a wonderful evening regardless of whether you meet that person. By treating the night like an ordinary Tuesday, you won't feel disheartened if you don’t encounter the love of your life.
With lowered expectations, any positive interaction becomes a delightful surprise.
Expect Nothing, Gain Everything
Approaching experiences with no expectations can significantly enhance your enjoyment. It might seem counterintuitive, but lowering your expectations tends to amplify the joy derived from everyday moments. When something extraordinary does occur, it feels like a windfall.
If you can embrace any situation, find joy in the mundane, and feel elated when something remarkable happens, you’re on the right path. To achieve this, remember to lower your expectations, not your aspirations.
Section 1.1: The Power of Expectations in Life
Section 1.2: Finding Joy Through Lowered Expectations
Chapter 2: Real-Life Applications
In this section, we will explore practical strategies to implement the principle of lowering expectations while maintaining high aspirations.
Why Lowering Expectations Can Be A Road To Success
Sarah Höfflin discusses how adjusting expectations can open doors to success. This TEDx talk emphasizes the balance between ambition and reality.
How to Lower Your Expectations of Yourself and Others
This YouTube video provides insights into managing expectations in personal and professional relationships, illustrating how this shift can lead to greater satisfaction and less disappointment.