Chapter 1: My Cosmic Journey

During my decade at boarding school, one passion fueled my curiosity: astronomy.

Our library housed a diverse selection of texts on subjects like Greek mythology, British history, and Shakespeare, but many intriguing titles were tucked away on a shelf labeled "Miscellaneous." This was where I discovered the astronomy books. Although most were outdated, depicting an Earth-centered universe, a few offered insights into string theory, pulsars, and black holes, along with theories about the Big Bang.

This became my domain. Each night, I gazed at the stars from my dormitory window, but after a while, they became repetitive, like an old film. My true desire was to explore what lay beyond those stars—the Unknown.

I delved deep into the Origins of the Universe, and for two years, it captivated my thoughts. If you’re familiar with the Big Bang Theory, picture a tiny balloon inflating into the cosmos we recognize today. Nestled within that balloon is Earth and everything else.

But what exists beyond the universe? What was there before it came into being?

These two questions consumed my mind during my formative years. I pondered them nightly while gazing at the sky. The texts I read and my rigid teachers offered no satisfying answers, advising me instead to stop questioning—a notion that felt absurd considering I was in an educational institution, a place meant for inquiry and contemplation.

Ultimately, my conclusion was stark: Outside the universe lies nothing—no electrons, no protons, no atoms, no air, no light, no gravity, no time, no space. Just nothingness.

I concluded that if nothing exists beyond the universe, then prior to its existence, there was also nothing. This was heavy contemplation for a child, causing more fear than the sci-fi stories that entertained me.

At times, I envisioned myself at the dawn of time, observing the universe expand, like a solitary star child from another dimension watching from afar.

The concept of nothingness is indeed unsettling. Our minds struggle to grasp it, much like they struggle to accept the finality of death.

This is a common dilemma; just ask anyone. Are you fearful of death?

Most would answer affirmatively—myself included. To alleviate this anxiety and instill hope, we fabricate narratives about an afterlife, tales that are likely familiar to you.

During my school years, I was required to attend chapel daily, even on weekends. I recall sitting there, half-listening to the preacher discuss Jesus and God, while wondering: Do you truly believe this? It felt more like a fairytale to me.

Unless I’m mistaken, perhaps there is a paradise after death where I could indulge in lobster and sweet Sancerre for eternity, along with a few fine Cuban cigars—what a delight that would be!

However, that’s not how it unfolds.

I’ve spent considerable time reflecting on this, and the only reasonable conclusion I've reached aligns with what I've shared. We take our last breath, and everything ceases—that’s it.

Often, I experience dreamless sleep. I’m unsure if it's a result of my long boarding school years, but I can f